I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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