is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize