she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
