My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
