the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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