so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found puke in my bra..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize