New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
