new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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