Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
