Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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