youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
