Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my being single is dangerous.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
