i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
