Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
