She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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