A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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