some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
