He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
