doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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