you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
