I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
