Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
