i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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