somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
