ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
