All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize