New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
