Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
