so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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