I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
