You're my little dorito
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
