the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
