just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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