fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize