WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
