omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
