I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
