dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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