over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
