What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
