Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
