Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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