11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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