i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
