dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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