I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
