are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
