I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
