dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
