My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
