I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
