you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
