man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
