wanna go halves on a baby?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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