I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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