there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
