just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
