We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
