Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i dont even know how to be here
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
