I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
