There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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