just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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