Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
