I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
