I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize