my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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