I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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