Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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